Thursday 30 August 2012

Dead Man Walking

Carlton had no choice but to sack Brett Ratten following Saturday nights loss to the Gold Coast - which surely must go down as the worst in the clubs history (a history as great as any in VFL/AFL history).

The facts are that Ratten has had 5.5 years at the helm, for annual win totals of 10, 13, 11, 14.5, and 11. Now this might be acceptable for also ran clubs such as the Kangaroos and Dockers and Crows but at Carlton these are average returns at best. The side has gone backwards over the last 18 months - and for a coach of 5 years that means you have overstayed your welcome.

Ratten's biggest failure was the week-to-week volatility of his players - which ultimately must lie at the hands of the head coach. Sure he has been unlucky enough to be landed with some of the most pea-hearted stars ever to pull on the Navy Blue (tough nuts like Fraser Brown, John Nicholls and The Dominator must shake their heads in disgust at the softness of the current list) - but he seemingly did nothing to address this - or if he tried to was unsuccsessful. It is simply not acceptable to flog a hated rival one week, and lose to a bunch of teenagers the next - with a spot in the final 8 their for the taking. Too many times over recent seasons - Blues fans have seen a stunning/heroic victory followed up by an abject/unexpected loss. That trend couldn't continue.

Great change is needed at the Club and that will start with the coach. Hopefully the replacement gives the players a rocket on arrival and cuts any deadwood that is not willing to toe the line. Premeirships these days are only won by playing 4-quarter football for 22 rounds plus finals (or if the Crows win it this year a horribly lopsided darw) - and that is something Carlton and its players have proved unable to do over the last 5 years.

Welcome to the greatest club on earth Mick!

GONE!

Yes he is... http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-08-30/carlton-confirms-ratten-departure/4232464

But you already knew that... didn't you...

Monday 27 August 2012

Tough Draws Come Home to Roost

Oh yes - the inequities of the AFL 2012 draw were once again highlighted on Saturday night when the Suns complained that they were only drawn to play the Blues once in 2012.  How can the lesser teams such as the Suns and Power be expected to get wins on the board when they have to play the Top 8 teams (Crows, Roos) twice but when it comes to the guaranteed wins against shoddy no hope bottom 10 teams - for example the Blues - they only get to play them once?  I dunno how Guy McKenna has managed to bite his tongue for so long.

Yes the Top 8 is now officially defined.  The blues and bombers - both premiership faves earlier this year - are now GONE for the year after they both played disgracefully for the second half of the year.  While the Blues were always likely to struggle against the Suns - 17th on the ladder and missing ten of their regular players - for some stupid reason I thought the Bombers would show SOMEthing against the Tiggers. SOMEthing.  ANYthing.  The only thing they showed was a lack of skill, desire, and general ability.  It was like watching dave on the Snooker table.  And that was just in the coaching box.  And the Sinners, who played middle of the road footy for much of the year, were finally outted of any mathematical chances despite thrashing the Giants by a lazy 21 goals.

Is Jack Watts the worst number one draft pick EVER?  Cameron Mooney's comments on Izzy Follau could have just as easily been applied to Mr Watts who wanders the field third and fourth to most contests. 

Indeed lets look at that draft list...

Draft
Player Selected by
1986 Leslie, Martin Brisbane Bears
1987 Lounder, Richard Richmond
1988 McDonald, Alex Hawthorn
1989 Banik, Anthony Richmond
1990 Hooper, Stephen Geelong
1991 Hutton, John Brisbane Bears
1992 Banfield, Drew West Coast Eagles
1993 Gaspar, Darren Sydney
1994 White, Jeff Fremantle
1995 Waterhouse, Clive Fremantle
1996 Gardiner, Michael West Coast Eagles
1997 Johnstone, Travis Melbourne
1998 Headland, Des Brisbane Lions
1999 Fraser, Josh Collingwood
2000 Riewoldt, Nick St Kilda
2001 Hodge, Luke Hawthorn
2002 Goddard, Brendon St Kilda
2003 Cooney, Adam Western Bulldogs
2004 Deledio, Brett Richmond
2005 Murphy, Marc Carlton
2006 Gibbs, Bryce Carlton
2007 Kreuzer, Matthew Carlton
2008 Watts, Jack Melbourne
2009 Scully, Tom Melbourne
2010 Swallow, David Gold Coast
2011 Patton, Jonathon Greater Western Sydney

Admittedly there are a few hits n misses on that list but since 2000 you could say that there haven't been too many duds... Jack Watts is definitely DUD #1.   How disapponiting to tank and then get him as yer pick.  Those recruiters have a lot to answer for.

Anyway in Brad Greens last game for the Dees the Crows did their best to make it a contest for the first quarter.  I was a little worried that Gutterguard was once again in attendance, but once they knew he was sitting at home drinking a cuppa tea the boys got bored eventually and decided to slot 10 goals in the third quarter before leaving the field and not returning in the last.  Tippett looked reasonable (please stay...) while a few players rested in the forward line or back on the couch in Radelaide with Gutterguard.

There were three finals previews on the weekend and the Beagles started to look like they could be a chance again after smashing the Pies.  They had looked a bit tired in recent weeks but were way too good for the Pies.  At golf on sunday all I heard from the three Pies supporters was whinging about umpires, about the draw, about how unfair it all was.  Heads up guys... YOU LOST BY 49 POINTS... and you lost to the Blues.  Twice.  Who lost to the Suns and Port.  The Dockers pulled off the surprise of the round for mine with an easy win over the inform Roos (you mean you didn't put $20 on the Suns?).  Scott said the Roos had nothing to play for.  Maybe he thinks they are better off playing the Pies than the Cats or Dockers in the elimination final?  He may be right.  Well... he IS right.

In the last finals preview the Swans n Hawks had an epic battle with the Swans getting out to a 38 point lead in the first quarter before dropping the bundle.  Sounds familiar.  The Hawks came back hard in the second, and then it was a tight tough contest in the second half.  I thought the Swans were home until Burgers kicked the winning goal with a minute left.  Great game.  The Swans REALLY need to play their finals at the SCG...

In the other games the Paps continued their formline - crap - and lost to giant killers Brissy - while in the domestic pets battle the Cats sleepwalked through their game against the Dogs.

Tippers
That was a tough round for tippers - not helped if you stupidly thought the Bombers would show something.  Whoops.  And yet 2 people tipped 8 from 9 - Judge Dredd & Pavsthaman.  Very handy with Pavstha now jumping into 5th spot.  Still leading is IH8Crows who managed a 7 and is now 2 clear of The Nips.

Round 23
Yes it is the final round of the minor round and while the teams in the 8 are sorted, their position isn't, so there ARE some big games.

And there are some not so big games.  The ones that have top 8 teams in them include Adelaide v Suns... NO ONE who deserves a place in the top 10 would lose to the Suns.  The Roos travel to Sydney to play the Giants.  This could be the only time in the Giants history that they will have more supporters at a game than the opposition.  The Roos will win in front of a crowd that would make an NRL team quite happy but will still be a record low.  And the Dockers will smash the Dees.

The really who cares cups are between the Blues n Sinners - Blues should win but is Ratts still gonna be their coach? - Tiggers v Port (Tiggers easily), and Brissy v Doggies (Brissy by 10 goals).

To the games that DO matter...

The Hawks n Eagles.  Massive game.  The Hawks should start favorites cos it's at home but don't write off the Beagles.  They'll be happy to have another week in Kennedy's legs.  I'll pick the Hawks which means... yes... they finish top cos the Cats will have too much for the Swans down at UnSkilled Stadium.  If it was anywhere else I'd back the Swans but the Cats are starting to look good.  To be any chance Goodesy needs to click into gear and I think he is still a couple of games away.

And finally the Bombers and Pies play on Saturday night... The Pies need to win to give themselves a chance at finishing 4th (assuming the Hawks win) and you would think the Pies by plenty.  I wouldn't put money on them though. 

Go You Crows!

Monday 20 August 2012

Round 21: Hot Lips

There was only one pout bigger than mine after the Crows effort on Saturday night - Sly Stallone's 90 year old mum.  They found a new way to hide wrinkles but unfortunately it involves putting all your loose facial skin into the fold of your lips.   And is anyone gonna tell her to have a nip n tuck on those ears? Scary stuff.  But seriously she is 90.


Safe to say the footy wasn't a highlight for me this weekend, but at least I have an easy person to blame - Gutterguard selfishly decided that for his birthday he would go up to the Gabba and watch the Crows smash the Lions... Shame Gutterguard Shame...

Equally shameful was The Falcon.  Our resident Bluebagger tipped the Bombers this weekend.  The blues were FAVORITES, they won by a lazy 16 goals, and he picked the Bombers.  Absolute disgrace.   He probably put money on them too knowing him.  Meanwhile he claims the Crows have an easy drama, totally forgetting that we we playing the Lions who were fresh from victory over the Beagles.  Unbelievable.

The Pies made my weekend slightly bearable - a bit like the crows made Pies supporters weekend more bearable... After they got off to a good start the Roos pulled something out of their clackers and never looked like losing.  Which meant that the hawks snuck into second after they played a pretty ordinary game against the Suns.  Big Jason Dunstall spent the whole time moaning and groaning about how they weren't showing the Suns no respect.  So that makes three teams that weren't showing their opposition any respect.  Make that 4 if you include the Swans in the first quarter against the Doggies.  They came back after a Johnny Longmire spit and smashed em in the second half.

The Sinners are now officially gone after the Cats finished them off in the last quarter.  There was a lot of talk about Izzy getting just one kick and having no idea about where to place himself on the field, but koshitsme did the same and has had no idea for years.  Into the 8 pop the Dockers.  Not sure why anyone thought the Tiggers were a chance.  The haze have been playing decent footy in the last month while the Tigs have played ok but let's face it... They have been losing.

Oh and the Paps... What to say? Unsurprisingly they were beaten easily by the Beagles, and unsurprisingly there were more square metres of tarp than there were people at the game.  But even I am getting a little bored by the media talk - they were playing a game with no supporters in Adelaide, they have no chance of making the top 12 let alone top 8, it is played out in a hole that has crap transport options... Gee whiz, why did no one show?   

Tippers
Crowsfc and trentA both pulled 8 from 9's on the weekend - so while crowsfc obviously missed the crows game - cos unlike The Falcon he picks his team - trenta actually picked both the lions and the Roos... And missed the cats!   Overall there wasn't massive movement with most people tipping a similar spread. So nips is still a point behind the leader IH8Crows....

Round 22
Just two to go...  And it starts with the last chance (again) for the Bombers.  They play the Tiggers and while I would love to see them lose, they will be stinging this week and given the Tigs a spanking.  

The next biggie is of course the absolute ripper - the Swans and Hawks.  Two genuine top 4 teams at the business end.  This is a finals preview but it's at the SCG.  Massive.  Ando will be hiding behind his pillow but is a lady claiming the minor premiership, while a win to the swans all but seals the top position.  Swans.

Over in the west the beagles host the pies.  The pies will want to win bad but they won't.

The dockers are travelling east to play the Roos.  There wont be any surprise attack but the dockers need to win to stay in the 8 - if there is no pavlich then the Dockers will not be a chance.

Yes the sinners will win despit no riewoldt, and the Blues, Crows n cats will win easy, but will the Paps restore pride in SA with a win over the Lions? (no) 

Wednesday 15 August 2012

Round 20: Consistency Ump!

Micky Malthouse, you are a genius.  The next coach of Carlton has come out and claimed the Crows n Swans aren't the best teams in the comp despite being top of the table.  But Mick... If the swans aren't one of the better teams going around then who is? Cos they only just lost to the Pies and they smashed the Hawks not that long ago... And the Hawks haven't beaten a lot of top 8 teams either... That must mean that the Cats and Eagles are the best?  And apparently a team that finished near the bottom of the table last year shouldn't be playing the lesser teams.  Oh I am so confused Mick, do tell.  Give the ANSWERS Mick cos what you don't know, ain't worth knowing.



Everyone is moaning and whinging about the umpires this week.  Actually they moan and whinge about the umpires every week.  I personally blame the carbon tax. And Julia Gillard.  And boats.  Hey Julia - give us consistency! All we want is consistency!  When will the West Australians secede?  When will the Scott brothers secede from eachother?  Whinge Whinge Whinge.  At least we know the Selwoods are ready to secede.

Great game Saturday night with the swans n pies.  There is no advantage for the swans at that place and they REALLY need to play their finals at the SCG.  Goodesy played the worst game of his career and cost them the game, while LRT just continues to be a champion. How good is he? Magnificent. I have always claimed he is an underrated genius.  Him and Dale Lewis - brilliant.  What can't they do?  Oh yeah Jimmy Beams had a handy game but the Swans kicking was what lost it for them - from memory they kicked 9 points in a row and some weren't that hard.
According to the media those bombers are SHIT and those Roos are BRILLIANT.  Hang on... They played each other and the game was close... WTF??  Maybe that is only half right and one thing I know is the Roos are pretty average... They will come out and beat the Pies now. 

Speaking of average, the blues n sinners won but who cares cos neither team will make the 8.  No riewoldt for the sinners going forward?  On the other hand the Crows beat the Haze and will finish TOP - that's right Carlton supporters... TOP!  And just like your future coach, you can talk about the draw all you like but you have lost some woeful games while we have won - including losing to Port... So suck it up sisters!

Finally... Well the hawks obviously beat the Paps, but up at the Gold Coast the Suns got their first home ground win and amongst the fireworks they sang their song to the crowd.  Very nice.  Izzy got half a touch before being subbed off.  Was KHunt improving through last year?  Cos Izzy Iz Not. Hmm.

Tipping
There were some full houses on sunday night with the Pies supporter reaping the benefit of their swans caper - PiesRule, The Nipster, and the Mini-PiesRule aka MrCricketJr all clean and jerked their way to 9 from 9 and a bonus point - which puts the Nips into 1 spot off the top still held by Ih8Crows.

Round 21
Starts with the Sinners and Geelong.  Geelong seem to only be allowed to play friday nights at the moment.  They sleep in rooms with no windows to stay adjusted.  Given the number of outs for the Cats last week, and assuming some return and there is no Nicky R... the Cats will make the Sinners chances of making the 8 "mathamatical".

The Bombers n Blues play on saturday and the Bombers have to win if they are going to stay in the race to be mincemeat in the first round of the finals.  The Blues have to win if they are going to stay "mathamatical" chances of making the 8.  Judd is back.  Really tough pick - the Bombers keep diddling me one way or another.  I think probably the Blues.

The GWS play the Dees and the only interest is to see if the Giants can continue playing what has been mostly good footy.  Unfortunately it has been mostly good in each quarter and in the last 10 minutes of each quarter they get 6 goals kicked against them.  I picked the Giants last time in this game but can't do it again.

Freo should be too good for the Tiggers and thus push the Bombers out of the 8, while the Crows should kick into gear against the Lions.

I really can't see the Pies losing to the Roos - sorry, I just don't rate them and I won't apologise to either Scott about that.  And Sunday's games are such that you will need to find something better to do... Eagles, Sydney and Hawks to add percentage if they need it, rest players if they don't.

Thursday 9 August 2012

Pa-pa-pa-pa...

Matty, Matty, Matty... Paa, Paa, Paa... Not much to say eh Mr Thicky? PavPaaaa?  It's all quiet down at Alberton.  We all know the Paps lost to the Giants... And became the first team to lose to both the Suns and Giants... And Primus is gone after less than two years...
And then Mini-Libba was out on the piss, passed out and got caught with a little too much happiness in his pocket...
And then Dane Swan was out on the piss, told his teammates he wasn't... And his teammates didn't believe him...
Oh dear.
Along the way the crows smashed the bombers to leave them less than 1% in the eight, the Swans killed the Blues to leave them 2 games outside the 8, the umpires beat the Sinners to leave them 2 games outside the 8, the Haze somehow pumped a rapidly vapid Eagles, and the Tiggers beat the Lions to annoy me.  Oh and the Cats nailed the Hawks onto a Kennett Kross, and some other games that no one one gives a shit about were played.

Tippers
No surprises that there was no full house this week but the game that cost Syneeee a whopper wasn't the Paps cos he knew they were shit.  No the game that cost him was the Tiggers.  At the top of the table Ih8crows is still leading by 2.  Who will she support after the Paaah go bust after the broadcast deal?  Ruby2 is 2 behind, and then there is the rest...

Oh and YES we tip through to the Grand Final folks...

In the side comp, there are some people creeping up... plenty of time to get in that top 3 streaks though!

Round 20
It all kicks off with the Eagles and Geelong.  The Eagles have been dropping... the Cats on the up.  Suffice to say there are a lot of nervous teams in the top 8 at the mo cos we all know the Cats at their best are very hard to beat.  Will home turf be enough?  Tough pick but I'll give the Drug Runners one more chance. 

Sinners n Melbourne?  Who cares? Not Brad Green.  Sinners.  On the other hand the Crows n Dockers will have an impact on the 8... the Dockers seem to be doing good things in the last month - the Crows have been going ok, but that Cats game dulled them down a little.  Big game and the Crows should get home with Tippett being knocked out in the first ten minutes by kepler bradley.

There is one game that affects you all... it is the Goldies v the Giants.  Why?  Cos this could dictate who finishes bottom... and most of you picked the Giants... but some picked the Suns... so that is a 5 point turnaround on the table... Here is a chance for the Suns to get their first win at home - the Giants have lost a couple of players (Ward being the main one).  I'll go the Suns.

While Carlton should beat Brisbane to technically stay in the race for the 8, the Swans play the Swanless Pies at ANZ or whatever it is called these days.  Yep it is well known the Pies haven't been beaten by the Swans since 1826, but the Swans have a bit more pace these days.  Tough pick in the MOTR.  I'll go the heart pick and Swan up but without conviction.

The Hawks should smash Port into yesterday, and the Tigers should beat a drugged up Doggies, but the last game of the round will have the biggest implications on the 8.  The Bombers n Roos play off and a win will probably leave them safe, a loss will leave them vulnerable at best, and outside the 8 at worst (if the Haze beat the Crows).  Here is a chance for the Roos to really show what they are made of.  They will - RooMeat.  The Bombers showed ticker last week and will get over the line this week.