As the Beatles once sang... They Say It's Your Birthday! Oh Gutterguard, I know you don't like a big fuss made of things but we here at Horseboy's AFL Tipping Comp can't help but give you a big smoochie on this most momentous of days...
But enough with the Lovin. There's FOOTBALL to be had, and I'm sure we all enjoyed seeing the Hawks finally stagger to a death in Season circa 2009. Except... my lordy... the Hawks are like some kind of B-Grade Zombie flick. They keep... coming... back... despite... losing. That's right. They are STILL a chance to make the finals. That is just how goddamn ordinary these teams in positions 7 thru to 11 are. *sighs* But back to friday night, because MadJacob requested a blow-by-blow re-telling of the events. Apparently the Crows misinterpreted what the bookies were saying about the Hawkers needing a 5 goal start, and so didn't bother rocking up until the 29 minute mark of the first quarter. Fortunately after that it was situation normal - 13 goals to 4 undersells the absolute domination that was the Crows over Hawthorn. And that is DESPITE some of the worst most biased umpiring see this year. MadJacob was so concerned at the 29 to 17 blowout that he abused the telly all night - even though it was his team benefitting. Not a biased bone in HIS body! Which no doubt explains why he was going for EIGHT DRAWS.... he just wants everyone to be happy *sighs* that's just beautiful.
My man at the G - Gutterguard - told me that the Richmond were exceptionally good and that Jake King is one hulluva talent. "I tell you what Luke..." he said, "I have a long story about Jake King, but I'm going to leave it at just this. He. Is. Good." He certainly has an eye does that boy! The Tigers were very unlucky in their 97 loss to the Pies. Unlucky that they are CRAP.
In what was clearly a fantastic game, the Weagles and KangaSnooze had a stoush in the West. By golly I just wish I was able to watch it. Unfortunately I was washing my hair at the time, but my Man in the West - Gutterguard - said it was Mag. Nif. I. Cent. He said "I tell you what Luke, I know there were only 2 goals kicked until quarter time, but by GOLLY they were good goals. It was like all my birthday's had come at ONCE!" I told him to calm down - his birthday was several days away and he should not PEAK too early - there was still the Dees v Dockers game to come and if he GORGED on the feast that was Weagle v Snooze, he would surely bloat up and feel rather poorly in the stomach area a la Mr Creosote. Sadly there were more goals kicked in the last 3 quarters and we all know that if you have too much of a good thing, it will end in tears. On this occasion everyone cried, cos that's just the way this bunch of New Age Dudes are.
On Saturday night the Doggies took Akka up and unleashed him on a very suspecting Lions. Did you see that STUPID chick throw beer on Brad J after the game? Are people really that stupid? Beer is BLUDDY expensive. I kid you not, I went to a local the other night, bought 2 beers, gave a $50 and got $32 change. I said errr... excuse me... I gave you $50... he said yeah, it's premium beer (asahi)... I said yes... it is beer... it is not Champagne. He said I know it's not champagne, because if you had bought that, it would have cost you $76 for two. You will note there is no punch line to his joke, because he wasn't joking. That pub to avoid by the way is the Ancient Briton.
Meanwhile over at the atmospheric ANZ Stadium, the Swans and Cats put on a great show. Nuh, seriously, it was good. Having missed the Sinners / Swans game, it had been a while since I had seen a decent swans game but this was right up there. LRT. How good is he? Pulls off a great mark and then he gets let down by his team mate like that. Just because he kicked to him as he was getting tackled, he thought it was ok to hurredly get it off and BANG. GOAL. And the Cats win by 5 points. Interesting side note is that LRT has the most goal assists in the comp. For the opposition.
Unfortunately on Sunday I was washing my hair, but my Man at the G - Gutterguard was one of 38 people to witness LIVE the Game of the Century. And what a cracker. Two desperate (ly bad) teams, going the biff, going the tonk, going the gabble, all to make sure they don't miss out on the Greatest Prize in Australian Rules Football. 16th Spot. Truly Gold. And Gutterguard was there. Now THAT is a birthday present! Awesome! Your lady must Love You! Gutterguard texted me halfway through... "I tll u wot look, those Dkrs are good, but the Ds are GR8er! Wsh u wre hear, lv Waynoooooooo"
The Paps got done like a doggies by the All Conquering Blues. But then the Paps have been done by all the crap teams so there's nothing to see here, move on... Finally the Bombers. the Sinners. What tha?
Dave told me the Bombers were crap. He said Knights is the Worst Coach in the World, and he has seen Timmy Watson coach. But what he didn't tell me was that the Sinners clearly had put quite a bit of money on the Bombers this week. NEWSFLASH PEOPLE! WAKEY WAKEY! Don't bury yer head in the sand any longer. We all know the Bombers are crap and the Sinners are unbeatable. Clearly they've pulled the Hansie.
nuff said.
Oh, and Happy Birthday Waynoooooo....
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