Season 2010: Essendon

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!!!!  Bomber Cassell reliably informs me that the Bombers are no chance this year.  He has said that every year I have known him.  It is a given that in his opinion the Bombers are either fantastic (after any win) or sh1t (after every loss).  'Balanced' is the word I rarely think of.  But I do agree with him every second week.

The Bombers will drop out of the 8 with certainty.  How they made the 8 last year after winning about 3 games for the entire season remains a mystery that only Leonard Nemoy hosting 'In Search Of...' could hope to answer.  The reality smacking they got from the Crows proved their place was a joke.

The weird thing is, they probably DO have a better team than last year.  Lovett - St Kilda's recruit of the decade - is gone, Lloydy has finally retired, and Lucas has gone.  All good things.  Hille should be back from injury, Ryder will develop into a good player, Mark Williams is a classy player, and I'd happily take Monfries to the Crows given his superior pedigree as a Sturt player.  Again, all good things.  The downside is they are that bad that they need to have Watson as captain.  And Stanton is still there... if there was a wasted disposal Brownlow these two guys would tie every year.  Nup, Knightsy will continue to bring his 'winning' Tiger ways to the Bombers and Dave will continue to tell us all just how RUBBISH they are... every second week...

Expected Finish: 9-12

Season 2010: Fremantle

Fremantle.  I will LAUGH when the Gold Coast win their first Premiership in 2015 while the purple ones finish outside the top 12.  Pavlich is the most wasted talent in the competition.  COME HOME TO ADELAIDE SON!!!!!  *sighs* Pavlich and Tippett in the one team would be rather nice.

The Dockers boast a list of talent that is... well... who cares?  Everyone loves to laugh at them.  They are like that little brother that never grows up... we know they won't seriously threaten - just put yer hand on their head and keep em a metre away... no dramas.  Sure, they  may get the odd punch in and pull off a win, but when every win you have had for the last 10 years has been an upset, I'm not sure that is a good sign.  YES, they do have some players you wouldn't mind in yer own team.  Pavlich would make any team in the comp, and Sandilands is probably the number one ruckman in the comp (surrounded by duffers).  Dodd looks a handy one, Palmer the same, and well thats about it.

No progress for them this year I'm afraid with the home ground advantage saving them from bottom.

Expected Finish: 12-14

Season 2010: Geeeeeee-long

The Cats.  What a team they have been over the last 3 years.  Unlucky to lose the 2008 Granny, possibly lucky to win the 2009 Granny, but they are THE team from 2007 onwards with an amazing win/loss ratio of something like 94.5%.  Yes I am making that up because I am too lazy to google it.  Get the facts yerself, but you know I'm near the mark.

It's Captain Ling this year.  That doesn't make him any less ugly.  You don't believe me?

Here is a before Captain shot:

Here is an after Captain shot:

Seriously ugly.  But pretty does not maketh a 2-time premiership player, cos if it did, Horseboy would have a dozen of the b'stards!  Nup, it pays to be ugly in footy cos you can put yer head down where others would not, and Lingy does do that without any fear of destroying his modelling career.   Of course it helps to have Ablett, Selwood, Corey, Bartel, Johnson, Chappers, Scarlett, and a dirty little drug mule on the team.  

So the only real question about the Cats is can they do it all for yet another year?  Seems like a tough ask but why not?  The team looks solid enough... it will come down to passion for the Catters, and I don't think they will climb the mountain again this year... sorry ladies...

Expected Finish: Top 4

Season 2010: Hawthorn

I loved watching the Hawks crash so badly last year after the luckiest Grand Final victory since the Power beat the Lions.  It made monday morning's so enjoyable.  I would go get my cappuccino, thinking of Jeff Kennett whinging about something the AFL had done (ignoring the fact that the AFL is in the strongest financial position ever, and has a competition with the most paid up supporters in Australia ever), only to be met by MadJacob telling me how bad the umpires were after every single game.  UNLUCKY!!!!!  22 games, 22 sets of umpires with no idea, always biased against those poor little Hawkies who had the worst disciplinary record in the comp (aside from the Collingwood cheer squad).

Yes, I do have to admit they did suffer from the odd injury though.  This is something that is going to shape every teams season though... suck it up ladies.  But now that Croad has retired there is less risk of him playing for them - he DID retire didn't he?  That is a good thing for them and bad for the opposition, and I was starting to think the Hawks would challenge again for the top 4...

Until I was having a cruise on the net this morning and saw that they are already heading down injury lane with ruckman Simon Taylor copping something that looks reasonably major, and Brad Sewell also limping away with his arm in a sling.  That could cause me to revise my thinking a little, but a team that has F(r)atboy Franklin, Roughead, Brown, Hodge, Mitchell and Rioli in its ranks can't be out of the eight for long eh Ando? Long? Ando? eh? Gettit?  Well maybe only I do.

Expected Finish: 6-8

Season 2010: Melbourne

Season 2010: North Melbourne

Or the Kangaroos?  I can't remember what the hell they call themselves these days.  All I do know is they should have moved to Canberra or the Gold Coast or Cabramatta or where ever they could find 5 supporters that actually show up and watch them play. Is there anything more inspirational that watching a Kangas v Power game and hearing the sound of one hand clapping...?  (OK - Freo v Port).  Which makes their membership campaign all the more self-defeating really... "Supporters are our inspiration"... Hmmm.  Sad to hear that.

New coach this year in Brad Scott.  Interesting that the 2 new coaches for 2010 are both seen as HARD units.  Hardwick and Scott both not afraid to give one behind play.  The Roos have always been reasonably hard at it though and Scott fits the culture well.  That and the fact that the Kangas have more cattle (as they say) than the Tigers means that they will finish a little higher up.

With the transition in players over the last few years, this is the last year for Daniel Wells to show whether he is more than just a good player. STEP UP MOFO!  Boomer Harvey will continue to get the possessions and damage on occasion, and I've thought about putting a cuppla Roos youngsters in the dream team - ended up just going with Robbie Tarrant on the bench.  Other than that and... well actually they don't have a lot more cattle than the Tigers do they?

Expected Finish: 9-12

Season 2010: Port Power

2010 brings a new guernsey for the ladies down at Alberton.  I was watching them play the Doggies friday night and for a moment I thought it was the Big V.  Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but it is definitely better than the ole teal thing they wore.

Off-field the Power are struggling almost as much as they have on-field since the Grand Final against the Cats.  For some reason the SANFL didn't think it was a good thing to merge two broke clubs... go figure.

On-field the Power are struggling almost as much as they are off-field... and with Tredders still in the team... well come ON!  Not sure what he (or they) are thinking with that one.  Here is a team that does have a few reasonable youngtsers coming through, two new teams joining the AFL and taking all the youngsters over the next 2 years... and they let Tredders play on when he is clearly past his prime despite a handful of good games last year.  Well that is enough to keep em out of the 8 in my books.

And sucked in.

Expected Finish: 10-14

Season 2010: Richmond

This year promises even less than 2009, and 2009 was $hit. Yes, they have a new coach in Damian Hardwick - who will add SOMEthing... but 0 +0.05 is still approaching 0 my friends.  A firm favourite for bottom 2, Richo invited me down to Melbourne a few weeks ago seeking some advice on the commentary caper (see the pics below), and said he held out no hope for them.  To paraphrase him, 'I love the Tiges, but with me they were crap, without me they are those drippy bits that don't have the critical mass to even make crap'.

Richo is eloquent, no?   I was concerned with his use of the word 'they' - has he ditched them already?  I thought he was a tiger through and through?  Now he refers to Lloydy as his team mate... hmmm.

EXPECTED FINISH: 14-18 for the next 5 years

It's My Birthday!

Go on - shower me with gifts, love, and frankensence...

Actually I am just testing adding things from my phone while in sunny Adelaide for Soundwave. Adelaide. A very FLAT city. A very QUIET city. And after a loss by the Crows last night probably a very SAD city. But I am still of the opinion that pre- season games mean very little to anything and Mr Buckley had a little more riding on a win than Mr Craig.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Season 2010: Sinners

Yes, the Sinners are a handy team... indeed I picked em for the Granny, but THIS is the memory you will have after GF 2010 - LIl Nicky crying after the Crows have smacked em again a la 1997.  Glory Days. *sighs*

Actually, to say the Sinners are a handy TEAM sums them up.  OK, Riewoldt is handy when he isn't missing easy goals, and Goddard can play footy, which is just as well cos he is one ugly mudda, but really they are just a team of slightly better players rather than superstars.  Line em up against the Cats and most of the time you'd take the Cats player.

That said, the Sinners will finish Top 2.

Season 2010: Sydney

At the end of last year I thought the Swans would be in Trouble come Season 2010, but with a couple of key recruits I reckon they'll do ok.

Lets be honest - the outs were already gone - either old, useless, or yesterday's heroes.  Crouch, Hall, Barry... yeah yeah yeah... goodnight, thanks for coming.  Agreed that Jolly is a big loss, but he's just a ruckman *coughs* and the inclusions of Bradshaw and Kennelly adequately cover the rest.  Goodesy is likely to step up and win another Brownlow - dominating all over the park - and Kirky and Bolton will have their standard reliable years.

That said, the Swans will not be contesting the Grand Final... positions 7-10 beckon.

Season 2010: West Coast

Ahhh the golden years... It is hard to believe that in the space of 3 years the Beagles went from back to back Grand Final appearances with the youngest team in the comp, to duking it out for bottom of the ladder.  While they have shifted on their problem children (Gardiner, Cousins, Judd) and kept others (Kerr?), they were an absolute shambles last year.

Indeed, it appeared that they were in a battle for last, throwing games left, right and centre, but unfortunately for them, they were up against some stiff competition.  No one was going to have the balls to throw as blatantly as Dean Bailey (no coincidence that Deano spent some time with the Paps eh?) - so they eventually decided to try and win a few games... and... oh lordy... they did.  In the process they found some big huge talented mutha that you can call Naitanui.

That's a name that will be in every dream team in the comp, and he, my friends, is the reason why the Beagles won't finish bottom.  That and the fact the the Dees are still crap.  But will they threaten for the 8?  No.  Will they threaten for the 10? No.  Will they threaten?  Well... No.  Those days are behind them.  And those days are WELL ahead of them...

For now they will have to be content with 11-14th, but they'll worry a few...

Tour of Duty Feb 2010

Another weekend, another Tour of Duty.  Yep I went down to Melbourne for the (long) weekend to see the Mighty AccaDacca in all their glory at Etifart Stadium with The Nipster.  The ToD had it all... Golf, Alcohol, Vomiting, Footballers, Rock, Roll, Collingwood Supporters.  All boxes were ticked.

Yep, the Nips managed to lob a wedge 130m into the hole for an Eagle on his way to a 4 over-par 76 off the stick.  Handy.  What he won't mention is how cocky he was on the 9th as he lobbed the ball within a cuppla metres on the par 3... he had already written the skin down, but I reached into his bag, took out his pitching wedge and lobbed it well inside.  Skin: Luke.  Birdie: Luke.  OK, he also got a birdie but who cares.  It should be noted that his 43 points, 4 over off the stick effort was after he started the round tearing up cos I suggested a 9 handicap was closer to the truth than his self-handicapping of 15.  Off 15 he would have scored about 3,000 stableford points.  And MAYBE won the skins... which he didn't.  Beware the Nip.

The tiger-esque effort was, however, balanced out by the sight of opening the toilet door and seeing his bloodnuttedness "sitting" on the toilet, pants down (thankfully), dribbling something about struggling, and vomiting into the crotch of his own jeans.  On the inside.  I can't remember eating salsa but there it was, spread evenly over his bonds jocks and g-star jeans.  Glorious.  DAMO! TURN AROUND! THE TOILET IS UNDER YER ARSE! THAT IS WHERE PEOPLE ARE SICK!  It made breakfast more fun though as he picked the dried bits out from under his watch...

To be fair it had been a big day.  We had gone to the St Kilda Festival thinking we'd keep it quiet.  We finally find a pub that you didn't have to pay to get into.  The beers start.  The Mess Hall are playing the main stage but well... we'll miss them and just catch You Am I...  A few more beers and we look over... who do we see...?

RICHO!!!!!

You have never seen someone so excited to have their photo taken with someone else.  He came up to me, said he had heard about my tipping comp, was sorry he couldn't be in it but wanted to have a photo taken with me.  Doesn't he look thrilled?  I of course told him how much I loved him AND respected him.  His feet weren't as big as I assumed they would be.  I told him the whole 'clown' thing was just a joke - he seemed to take it in good spirits.  He didn't ask for my facebook id though which seemed strange although maybe he already knew I didn't have an account.  Also in action were Pettifer and Nathan Brown.  Pettifer is as talented as he is beautiful.  Neither of them asked to have my photo taken with them.  So I had another beer.

In the meantime the Nipster began drinking at a pace that can only be described as Glacial - which makes his later purge all the more bizarre.  It isn't taking the truth too far to say that the climate change lobby have started measuring the speed of change using his beer drinking pace as a guide.  Their current measure is that within 14 Nipster beers, St Kilda will be 3 foot under water.

You Am I came and went... without us... I think... and I am guessing some more beers were drunk.  Apprently there was a game of cricket on the telly.  And the Dogs beat the Lions.  Although I do also remember a small glass of something coming clear my way.  Taxi.  We assume.  Another pub.  Order a pizza... slow walk back to the Nips where an angry pizza delivery dude has been waiting for 15 minutes.  Jeez they are IMPATIENT eh?  Quiet beverage or 2 more.  "Luke... I think I need to go to the..."

The rest is history.  He is still picking it out from his jeans.  Nice.

There was of course some Rock n Roll.  Yep the Mighty AC/DC rocked hard in front of a crowd that seemed to think they were going to watch Collingwood in one of the very few games they are not playing at the G this year.  It felt like I was walking into a Prelim Final with all the Black n White faithful.  The stench was of filth.  The combined crowd IQ = 231.  The hair was either everywhere or nowhere.  Or both.  Scientists should move away from the diggings and go see the Acca if they want to find the missing link - there was a complete chain of them.  While it is true that only half of the crowd still had their day-release ankle bracelets, thats only because the other half had managed to somehow break it off - the police are still searching.  But straight up, they rocked.  Classic after classic.  Gold. Gold.  Gold.  OK, the obligatory new album stuff provided ample opportunity to grab a brewskie, but other than that.... GOLD I tell you... GOLD!

Richo sends his love to you all.

Season 2010: Western Bulldogs

Them Doggies came pretty close last year but never really looked like being the Ones (or even Two's).  If you wanted to piss off Rocket, you just turned up at a press conference and asked what he was going to do to fix the small forward line.  In the space of ten seconds he would turn from being a mild mannered accountant type with an uncanny resemblance to Gutterguard, to an accountant who has just been told he was being audited by the ATO.

Enter The Hall.


What is going on?  Halfway through the season 16 teams and all the supposed experts (aka Mike Sheahan - he's an expert - just ask him) said they would (and should) never take him - he's a firecracker, he's a liability to the team, if Roosy can't control him, no one can blah blah...  A lost final later and B Hall is on the books of the Doggies and expectations are high... But let me tell you that it is extremely hard to influence a game from the sidelines.  I personally like Big Bad Bazza.  I liked the way he stuffed Christmas Turkeys this year on those ads.  I liked the way he threw the arms out in despair after smackin some defender across the chops as if to say... "what? me? i'm INNOCENT!... he's FAKING it.. ".  Yep, Bazza... As a guy with clear anger management issues, he is a handy footballer.  As a handy footballer he is not so good at handling the anger management issues.

And given so much does hinge on the Baz-fella, I can see the season spiralling out of control pretty early on.  The Doggies have the oldest team on the park (or as a peer would say... they are very experienced...) and if they don't do it this year, they can count on a pretty barren run for the next few years.

They won't do it this year.

EXPECTED FINISH: 4-6
**** OK OK!!!! I REVISE!!!! Top Three for these guys but the Crows will knock em out in the Prelim on their march to Premiership Glory...!

There's Gonna Be Some Rockin'

Oh lordy.  You wouldn't believe the run I had on Sunday... in the immortal words of U2... Striders Bloody Striders... it was not a rebel song.... it was the Hornsby Hurricane... Yes, into the pits of hell we ran - if hell was full of mud and leeches instead of flames and devils - and out of it we came covered in... unsurprisingly, mud and leeches.  And cuts.  And bruises.  OK that was probably just me.  Aaargh!  RUBBISH!  Still I guess it was easier than the Tough Guy Challenge... - seriously looney.  Next year.

But enough of that...  after having a champagne enema to remove any of those little friends that may have wedged themselves internally, I am getting ready to head down to Melbourne to attend Etihad Stadium.  I hear you all ask WHY I would head down there to watch some crappy pre-season game..?  Well I wouldn't.  Nup, I am off to join The Nipster for some Rockin!  Yep, we are off to see the Mighty AC/DC ROCK the stage.  GOLD I tell you.  And no, that doesn't mean you should get the Spandau Ballet on...

To be honest I can't believe we are still playing International Cricket (sort of) as the AFL Footy Season is (sort of) starting!  The Death of the ODI is being broadcast through the media... No one is going to the games apparently... but that wouldn't have anything to do with it costing $1000 to go see it would it?  When you can watch it on telly at home?  Or at the pub?  Here's an idea... LOWER THE BLUDDY COST!  I am truly a genius.  Seriously.  I am amazing. 

Of course there is no tipping in the NAB Cup cos... well... no one gives a flying... but it's still nice to see yer boys jiggling about out there on the field, sweating it out in 37C heat, wearing the latest in ice vests, getting reported for running backwards into umpires, and scoring 9 points for the lazy 50m goal.  Sure itgives absolutely no idea about team form, but what it does give us is some ideas on who to buy for $100k in the fantasy teams.  And it also gives hope to teams such as Richmond, who win a couple of games, get all warm in the groin and then crash n burn... bliss :)

The Lloydy Factor

Tis a shame they waited until Lloydy retired - he would have been broke, and the AFL rich if they brought this in 15 years ago!

Schema...

Due to popular demand... a colour schema change... :)