The Year to Come - West Coast

Woosha's Cat Makes it to Prime Time

The Eagles have gone from Hero to Zero in incredibly rapid time.  When they beat the Swans they had the youngest team in the comp... Unfortunately they also had a bunch of drug heads who were being mollycoddled by Woosha.  So the question is, why is he still there when he let them get away with murder?

Hmmm maybe he has the dirt on a few others?  Well whatever the reason, it ain't gonna help cos the Eagles will be bottom 4 material again in 2011.  Sure they have big Cox - but can they use it?  My suggestion is No.

Finishing Position: 13th - 16th

The Year to Come - Sydney

LRT - A Star Is Born

Yep there is a new Coach for the Swans and he has my nickname - Horse! Thats gotta be a plus eh? Longmire has been there for a long time as assistant to Roosy, so it's just like buying a new model of the same car you've had for the last 10 years.  Is that good or bad?

The Swanees are one of those consistent performers and they have some fairly handy youth coming through.  The older players that retired - Kirky in particular - were on the decline, and the team will be better for their departure.  Kieren Jack is gonna be a stand out, and Rohan, Kennedy, Mummy etc are all improving.  Goodesy is obviously a champion - he was destined to be one from the moment Daaaaave called him 'a log... actually he's not even a log... he's a splinter!'.  Dave has an eye for talent.  I believe he won the Brownlow that year.

But even with Goodesy and O'Keefe firing through the midfield, a lot hinges on the big fella up front - Bradshaw.  If the Swans can get a full season out of him, and no game time from LRT, then they will win enough games to make the top 6.

Finishing Position: 5th - 7th

The Year to Come - St Kilda

Steve Milne, Leigh Montagna & Friend

As I typed 'Nick Riewoldt Crying' into google, I came across the following link and it is farkin funny - Players Baby Photos - damn that made me laugh - or maybe cos this is a blog I should say, DAMN that made me LOL!  So I can't take credit for the photo or caption but seriously... that is funny.  If you feel like a good LOL then stop reading my stuff and click the link. 

The other thing I noticed is that pumping 'Nick Riewoldt Crying' into google produces a prodigous number of results.  I have not see so many pics come up since I typed in 'Two Girls and a Cup' (yesterday and twice last thursday).  What does that say about the man!!!!?? Hmmm well I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say it says he is passionate.  Cos he is a fairly handy player.  He is fairly tough at the ball.  He gives it his all.  But he cries.  The question is, will he cry again at the end of 2011?


The Saints have easily 2 of the top 10 players in the Comp - that ugly and angry mofo Goddard and the aforementioned Riewoldt.  And they have a whole heapa handy players - del santo, hayes... but they also have a habit of keeping players that are just not any good.  Koshitsme.  (bless you).  The Clarke boys. These are just not very good players.  OK so Koshitsme has his moments, but given the press coverage given to him you would think he was... good.  They have been unlucky of course, having hit the Cats at their peak and the Pies in their one hit wonder *hopes* but they have not gone into a Granny as favorites.  Doesn't help they they seem to have the odd dirty rapist in their midst I guess.  Still, it wouldn't be a  pre-season for the Sinners without at least a dozen off field dramas, so I am tipping they'll still be Top 4 at seasons end and from there you just need a good day and a bit of luck.


Predicted Finish: 2nd to 4th

The Year to Come - Richmond

Jake King - The Embodiment of Richmond

Richmond do have a good coach. But if they put the club up for sale it would still say "Renovators Delight".  And the first thing you would do is knock down the Jake King renovation out back.  Seriously.  Acting Captain during the NAB Cup?  That is all they have?  Are they that bad?

I will have to assume the answer is Yes.  Jack Riewoldt is a young gun of course - he has come from nowhere and is... well he is a bit like Richo really isn't he? A bit petulant?

But honestly, there's not much to say about Richmond.  They played crap last year with a small purple patch in the middle.  They played crap the year before with no purple patch anywhere.

They will play crap this year with a purple patch during the two byes.

Finishing Position: 14th - 17th

The Year to Come - Port Adelaide

Predicted Finish: 12th - 15th

The Year to Come - North Melbourne

Brad Scott's New Transport:
Training Wheels to be removed in 2012

See now these guys should have been playing on the Gold Coast - but the Gold Coast are forever thankful they are not.

The Kangas are always around the mark.  They always talk about shinboner spirit.  They talk about fighting it out.  But they should be talking about zero supporters, zero care factor, zero appeal. 

James Brayshaw has tried to do an Eddie, but he doesn't have the cash to do it.  It's simple - if no one supports you, then no one will give you big $ for a spot on your guernsey.  I actually met a Kangas supporter once. Which probably means I have met 18% of their supporter base.

But enough of their draining on otherwise valuable resourcing... They have a new coach this year.  Or was that last year?  I dunno.  See - that's the thing - no one cares.  OK, they have the SAME coach as last year.  Or maybe not because Brad n Chris may just alternate depending on who has domestic duties on any given night.  Anyway, the Roos are OK.  They will win some games.  They even have some good players - Atley is in my Fantasy Team (injury beckons) and Harvey is ALWAYS a handy one.  Will they win enough to make the finals though?  Nuh.  Lets hope not anyway because no one likes empty stadiums in the first week of the Finals and North v Freo at the Dome is 10k at best.

Finishing Position: 10th - 12th

The Year to Come - Melbourne

It doesn't seem that long ago that this was going to be the future for the Dees... a merger with the poo hawks.  Personally I think these colours work very well together.  Although some may say that if you do spot these colours together in yer undies, you need to consult the doctor VERY quickly. 

But it's a few years on from those 'bad' ole days, and the Hawks have won a Premiership while the Dees have struggled and sniffed around the bottom of the table. As such, they have been stocking up young Round 1 picks for the last few years while they lose lose lose, and this year is the one they need to ramp it up.   With just 5 players on their list having over 100 games experience, this is one hellova young team.  And they definitely have some players that will excite - Liam Jurrah is the obvious one, while Maric will be in a few dream teams, Scully, Watts and Trengove are all on the brink - they just need to take the jump.

Basically, what they are lacking in my humble is a couple of great forwards.  I know you don't 'need' a Franklin, or a Riewoldt, but in the absence of them you do need some consistent scorers.  And they don't have them - simple.

The Dees will win their fair share of games but not enough to make the 8 - and maybe they'll have Micky Mouse at the helm in 2012 as a result...

Finishing Position: 9th - 12th

The Year to Come - Hawthorn




Hawks Supporter six rounds in to the 2010 season

 

For some reason the Hawks are being talked up again for 2011. Didn't we do that last year? I mean I can understand 2009 being hyped - they fluked a grand final win and with Buddy looking like The Man there was improvement in the wings. Then they had injuries. So 2010 was the year without injuries and they would be back.

They weren't. So why different this year? No. Idea.

That said, Buddy is a farkin good player and can swing a game better than anyone - the Hawkers will be in the 8 - ok ok... they'll probably be top... 6.  If they get lucky with injuries and Buddy isn't penalised for cheating everytime he runs off the mark to have his shot on goal then maybe a top 4.

All I know is MadJacob is for some reason sounding a lil cocky... must be the vertical stripe syndrome.

Finishing Position: 3rd - 6th

The Year to Come - Gold Coast



NKOTB - Chick Magnets

The New Kids on the Block circa 2011.  The Suns are without a doubt gonna be Premiers.  In 2014.  The likes of Swallow and Toy (I could list 15 round 1 picks) matched with the experience of some guy called Ablett, Bock, Brennan, Brown.  Handy. 
As they sang back in their heyday... HANG TOUGH... HANG TOUGH... HANG TOUGH... ARE YOU TOUGH ENOUGH!

Did they have any other songs?  I dunno, but I do know that the reality is they do not have the body strength to hang tough and win week in week out.  So while these guys are gonna be friggin cool as to watch - dare I say they will be like the Bombers good 6.5 minutes in 2010 - they will not win enough games to get themselves off the bottom of the table.

Finishing Position: Spooners

The Year to Come - Geelong



Cameron Ling shows off his new haircut.


The Cats started to fall last year.  Some have put it down to the wheel turning, some have put it down to a few aging players, some have put it down to the game passing them by.  But I put it firmly on one individual.

Bomber "I am a hypocritical lying mofo" Thompson.

His actions in annoying the best midfielder in the comp single handedly must have annoyed the living mofo out of every player in the team.  And while there is no doubt that Bomber was instrumental in the creation of the Cats Dynasty and removal of the handbag tag, there is also no doubt that his time had come.  Those chalky nostrils were a source of embarrasment down at the cattery, and the end of the road is a good thing for all concerned.

So on to 2011 and the uglier Scott brother takes the reigns.  Great move.  With a bunch of top class players getting into their last 2-3 years, the introduction of a new invigorated coach will bring something new and invigorating to the table.

Will it be enough to win a Premiership?  Provided those aging players are out on the park, then they are still amongst the best in the comp, so it's just a matter of managing them.

Finishing Position: 3rd - 5th

The Year To Come - Fremantle



Freo's Best Recruit - They Canna Fail!


Fremantle have been one of my favorite jokes for a long time.  Excepting The Hoff, their recruiting over the years has been like a guidebook of what not to do.  Andrew McLeod? Can't play - get rid of him. T Croad - he'll be a champion.  J White?  Nuh - crap - send him off.  And it all came down to one thing... Purple, Green, Red and White. Just be thankful those in the West aren't in charge of finding us a new Australian flag.  And an anchor as their symbol?  Uhm... ok.  Those things are used to weigh people down in water yeah?  Well, that's what I use them for.

The Dockers have had the odd false dawn over the years and then dropped like a sacka, but this year is going to be different. Last year the purple haze picked up a cuppla beauties, their younger players matured and took places from their curly-haired clown-imitating predecessors.  Sandilands continued to be the absolute weapon you would expect, and they turned their home ground into a fortress. 

That will all continue this year.  On the downside, things seemed to drop a bit for them last year when everyone's favorite dream teamer Michael Barlow copped a season ending injury, and Tarrants defection back 'home' is a small loss, but he is getting older and is injury prone.  And this years great dream team hope Mzungu is already out for a few.  But on the other side, the Dockers have changed that friggin awful guernsey to something actually looks pretty good!  And that is more than enough to elevate them into the top 4 and challenge for the 2011 Premiership...

No... seriously.

Finishing Position: 1st - 4th

The Year To Come - Essendon

The Messiah teaches Paddy Ryder how to keep his eye on the ball.


Oh yes, the Messiah is here to coach the 'yoof'.  The Golden Child has returned.  Why don't they just call him The Puppet and be done with it?  Bringing him in was all about membership and sponsorship and they have met those targets very nicely thank you very much.

And yes, they have even won some NAB cup games.  But we all know how much those mean.  Just ask the Blues how much pleasure they had winning the NAB granny and then finishing bottom. 

On the other hand, the Bombers have got rid of 'The Worst Coach In History' (source: DSD Cassell), and replaced him with Bomber "I am a hypocritical lying mofo" Thompson, and the next coach of the Crows, Simon Goodwin.

The best part about the Bombers doing well in the BankWh0re Cup is hearing Daaaaave start talking them up.  Don't we love that?  He is Mr Bluddy Chuckles at the moment.  Why is this good?  Because when they drop like a sack of 22 turds, there will be TEARS... and I will ENJOY them.  Yes, they will probably do better than last year - Knights was without a doubt a crap coach - but they will not be making the top 8.

Finishing Position: 10th-14th

The Year to Come - Collingwood

Damn the magotty filthy smelly dirty Pies.  The only thing worse than a magotty filthy smelly dirty Pie is a happy magotty filthy smelly dirty Pie.  Still at least there won't be as many riots in the high security prisons around Victoria.

Yep, there's no denying the Pies are the team to beat in 2011, and don't the MFSDP supporters love it.  People aren't asking which two teams will play off in the 2011 granny - they're asking who will play the Pies in the 2011 granny.  But one thing we DO all know for sure, is things don't go as expected.  It only takes an injury to a key player and all of a sudden a top 2 team feels the pressure.  And for the Pies that player is their import - Darren Jolly.  He was the key difference in 2010, and if he goes down, the Pies will come back to the pack.  The answer?  He is in my dream team.

And yes of course they do have the tattoed brigade - which is why I have put Dane Swan in my dream team too.  And they have the NKOTB (New Kriminal On The Block) - Andrew Krakouer - who adds some bite up forward, replacing Neon Leon.  But again, I have covered that off by having him in my dream team too.  Ah injuries... bring em on Pie Boys!

Sadly though for now I have to deal with the Pies NOT having injuries to key players (Maxwell...), and so they are destined for a Top 4... Damn You PiesMan.

Finishing Position: 1st to 4th

The Year To Come - Carlton

The Blues have been talking it up haven't they?  Based on what exactly I have no idea.  They started talking it up in about 2005 when they won the Rabbit Cup, and haven't stopped since.  They have one champion stolen from another team and stuck with a captaincy he doesn't want while he spruiks for Visy to get his extra $.  And they say salary cap rorting is dead.  Their next best player was ALSO stolen - he should be playing for the Crows under the Father/Son law.  In fact when was the last time the Blues actually developed a player inhouse?  They are the Chelsea of the comp without the success.  Bluebaggers all of them.

Of all the teams to make the eight last year, Carlton were the least deserving.  Which matches the Brownlow Medal win I guess. In this ere tipping comp The Blues have their fans... The Falcon reckons they will easily make the 8.  Tell him he's dreamin'.  Last season their motto was something about smelling what they were cooking.  Well it turned out to be turd pie and I'm not expecting any more this year. 

At least they don't have Fev I guess.

Finishing Position: 9th - 12th

The Year To Come - Brisbane

Warwick Capper - Another Recruiting Coup

B is for Brisbane.  B is for Basket Case.  No, not everything boils down to Fev himself, but if they hadn't spent all that money on the big fella, then they would be at least three good players better off.  Brennan, Bradshaw, Rischitelli... handy names.  Yes, they still have Black n Brown, and Daniel Rich would make most teams - although he didn't come on last year like I thought he would - but the Lions are headed for the bottom four big time.

They lack passion, they lack guts, they lack determination, they lack skill.  And this from a team coached by a man who epitomises these things.  Vossy's coaching expedition is looking like Timmy Watson's effort more and more - started well out of the block and then died in the arse (for the record Timbo finished 12-1-31).  Nup, they'll struggle in 2011.  It could be back to the bad ole days of the Bears for Brissy.  The only real question is whether Vossy will retire before or after Round 12.

Finishing Position: 14th-17th

The Year To Come - Adelaide



Crows Champion Darren Jarman
dreaming of his next cream bun



2010 was CRAP for the Crows.  Injuries smashed us from the outset and after losing the first 36 games we struggled to recover.  Oh hang on that would be baseball and basketball.  What kind of game is so bluddy soft that you can play 1000 games in a season?  You can put soccer in there too for that matter.  And how long is this World Cup (cricket) going on for?  The Dutch and Canada... what a RIPPER... I'd rather watch Port and GWS duke it out.  And when are they going to investigate the Poms for losing to Ireland? eh? EH? That's what happens when you fill yer team with South Africans - Hansie anyone?

Anyway, add to the injuries of 2010 the loss of 1500 games of experience and many are writing us off straight away.  I say GOOD.  Assuming we don't get injuries to such valuable Dream Teamers as Tippett, Vince, Cullinan and Henderson, the Crows will be up amongst it this year.  Guaranteed!  The backline looks solid with Ottens back there to take over from wifebeaterbocky, VB and Dangerfield running through the centre, and the ever reliable Tippers upfront... GOLD I tell you, GOLD!

Finishing Position: 8th (and the first team to win a Flag from that position)

It's Coming!

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